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User blog:Cedric Of Chessington/The Legends of Turtletamius - A Preview
This is very random. - - - Chapter four: The Diminution of the Potatoes It was the year 1871 in the Poorlands when the sudden decline in the frequency of potato production occurred. It all started in July, which was effectively dubbed “Tater Month” in the Poorlands. The annual election of the Potato Man was set in progress, where two farmers would battle it out for the super-vital position of, yes, you guessed it, Potato Man. The highly-anticipated, often arduous task of the aforementioned Potato Man was to undertake ultimate obligation over the entire cropland (which usually only consisted of potatoes, hence the title of “Potato Man”). The candidates this year were Barnabus Choup and Stevis Farder (Stevis was regularly made fun of due to the rather silly pronunciation of his surname). Barnabus held the unrivaled honor as the land’s most efficient farmer, while Stevis only held the title as an “excessive bread-maker”. As anyone would have guessed, being the best farmer in all the Poorlands, Barnabus won the election and became the Potato Man. Stevis was mad – actually, significantly madder than mad – he was terribly resentful, wrathful and choleric. In fact, he was so infuriated that inside of him grew the lust for reprisal upon his adversary. Then on one pleasant day Stevis went up to the potato farm and found Barnabus in deep sleep under the shade of a little apple tree, so Stevis looked around for something pointy and came to find a sharpened pitchfork. If I were to give a detailed account of the outcome of this situation, you would be quite horrified. Let’s just say that Stevis committed a highly disturbing act of violence, and Barnabus became an all-seeing scarecrow thing mounted atop the aforementioned pitchfork in a barren field. He was soon food of the wyverns. Stevis wasn’t seen again for a while after that. Now there was no one to tend to the crops, so they died away slowly. You see, the potato farm was the main source of food for the people of the Poorlands, so at the expiration of the farm nobody had anything to eat, except for maybe a few filthy rat tails that sat deep in the sleazy back-allies Soon, farmers were sent out to try and resuscitate the crops, but to no avail. Oddly enough, nothing ever grew there after Barnabus’ horrific death. Some farmers claimed to have seen the ghost of Barnabus, and said that he was the one “poisoning” all the crops. Others claimed to have seen Stevis stalking about the apple tree at night – although, three fourths of those witnesses are either naturally hallucinogenic, often high on hallucinogenic drugs, or are werewolves (who usually like to eat hallucinogenic foods). Clearly the residents of the Poorlands are fond of hallucinogenic things. Several years passed, and still nothing had been produced from the crops. That is, until Joe showed up with his Turtle of Growth. It walked among the farm in graceful steps, and rebuilt all of the crops. Soon everything was back in business. But Joe felt an unsettling presence among the farm, so he brought forth two Turtles of Watch to observe the night. Sure enough the next night, they found a wandering man who they were able to identify as Stevis Farder. They seized him and, with many complications along the way, brought him to the court of the Poorlands, where he was sentenced to death at dawn. In the morning he was fed to the Dark Unicorns of the Scrumball Dungeon Society. Category:Blog posts